What Venereal Disease Are You?

          1. Do you make people scream when they pee?


2. If left unattended at a party, you will:

Annoy your host until he takes care of your simple request.
Make your host regret it.  And I think you know what I mean.
Kill your host.

3. Your nemesis at work (probably that pedder-ass Paul, in accounting), would characterize you as:

A mildly annoying itch.
A burning sensation.
A recurring nightmare.
The grim reaper.

4. In junior high school, how many times a week did you play Dungeons and Dragons?

1 - 4
5 - 10

5. Who is your favorite Golden Girl?

Bea Arthur
Estelle Getty
Rue McClanahan
Betty White

6. If you were a germ/parasite, drug companies would spend how much trying to kill you?


7. When you drop in to visit a friend, you:

Hang out for a couple of days, leave when asked, with no indication that you were ever there.
Sleep on the couch for several weeks and refuse to leave until forced out.
Park you butt in your friend's favorite chair, stay well past your welcome, but leave your toothbrush behind and come    back several times a year for the rest of his life.
Set up your drum kit in your friend's bedroom, and "out" him to his ex-marine corps father on Thanksgiving.  Twenty years later, you stab him in the neck with paring knife.

8. The force of gravity on the moon is what fraction compared to the force of gravity on Earth?


9. When people open the door and see you,they say:

"Ah, fuck!  Why me, dear lord?!  Why me?!  Why not that pedder-ass, Paul, in accounting?!!"

10. What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie?

Thin Mints.
Long, Agonizing Deaths (aka, Trefoils)


Your score is


SCORE: Venereal Disease
10-16 Congratulations!  You're Crabs!  A welcome sight to anyone who starts itching a few days after that unfortunate keg party hook-up.  You're gone with nothing more than a load of laundry and a tube of special shampoo (little comb included) from the drug store.
17-23 Ouch.  Gonorrhea.  You can be forced out with antibiotics, so you're still something of a relief.  Though if left unattended, you'll make your victim infertile! 
24-31 Herpes!  Not good.  You're here to stay.  Plus, you'll make all of your victim's future fourth date conversations incredibly awkward.  Awkward enough to substantially decrease the number of fifth dates.  Ever.
32-37 Damn!  You're AIDS.  Sorry.  You'll make everyone who's ever met your victim think he's gay.  Eventually, you will, of course, kill him.  The only benefit there is from your existence is that you make herpes look better!


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