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What Kind of Prostitute Are You?

          1. I will stab a mother fucker tryin' to grab his damn money back 'cuz I told him an "Around The World" was an extra $20 and he jus' needs to get the fuck on.

         Yes.
         No.


2. I won't even consider anal sex until:

The second "date."
The second coming of Jesus Christ.
The second beer.


3. My sorority is::

Alpha Omega.
Mu Pi.
Zeta Tau.
Just the best!  Like I remember this one time when Jenny - the one with the tramp stamp, not the one with the fake boobs - forgot to (zzzzzzzz)...


4. The socio-economic plight of women in present day America:

Is partially to blame for the objectification of women.
Has been tremendously ameliorated by the efforts of the feminists who came before us.
Has been exacerbated by the male-dominated media that refuses to shed light on the subject.
Where's my bra?


5. Who is your favorite Golden Girl?

Bea Arthur
Estelle Getty
Rue McClanahan
Betty White


6. Recreational drugs are best:

Never.
With close friends, in safe surroundings.
On long weekends in Cancun.
Hell yeah they are!


7. I like:

The finer things in life.
Financial security.
Free drinks and a finger in my butt.
Getting slapped around by ex-cons and homophobic marketing execs.


8. I have had crabs:

Eww, never.
Once.
A few times.
For about a year now.


9. Farfegnugen is:

German.
A tired ad campaign.
Something about cars.
That thing where I tickle your balls?


10. Reading is:

Fun.
Fundamental.
Hard.
For suckers.



           

Your score is

 

SCORE: Prostitute
9-18 Nice!  High-class call girl.  Your attractive, but slutty.  You can make thousands of dollars a night.  Of course, you'll still blow it on something stupid and end up dead in a shallow grave because you got greedy and tried to blackmail one of your married clients.  But at least your last ride will be in the trunk of a BMW and not some domestic piece of shit.
19-25 A little out of shape, and needing to save up some money for the nose job so you can charge the big bucks, but all-in-all, not bad.  You'll pull down several hundred a night until you get too old and ugly for it, then you'll be slinging hash browns at Waffle House and augmenting your tip money by knocking out $5 handjobs in the bathroom.
26-35 Come on.  You're a cute little sorority girl who was apparently smart enough to get into college, but not smart enough to realize you could be charging  for it instead of giving it away.  Sure, dinner at TGI Friday's is nice, but it's not gonna pay the bills when daddy cuts your ass off.  And no, the really hot pre-med guy is not going to marry you just because you gave him a hummer at the Dave Matthews concert.
36-43 You may be old, ugly, disease-ridden and putting it out there for $3 a go, but hey, you sure did show your Mom when she tried to give you an eleven o'clock curfew.  Good news is, in two weeks when that last tooth falls out, you'll be able to offer a "Gummy" and clear an extra $17 a month.  Woo-hoo! 

 

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