Archive - October 2007


 

Creative Bankruptcy, Part I

 

     This isnít so much a planned series of articles, as it is the expectation of future struggles.  You probably know Creative Bankruptcy by its more common (and, quite frankly, rather pedestrian) name Ė Writerís Block.  So why do I call it Creative Bankruptcy instead?  Because it sounds better, and Iím a pompous asshole.  Itís true.  Just ask anyone.  Except poor people.  Or uggos.  Or French Canadians.  I mean really, thereís just no need to associate with those types.

     Creative Bankruptcy (Iím gonna keep saying it Ďtil it catches on, dammit!) can be brought on by many factors Ė stress, fatigue, illness, the release of Halo 3.  Itís hard to pinpoint just what the problem is.  But I have been aware of its existence, and the probability that it would show up, so I have a contingency plan.  Let someone else do most of the work for me.  Bold, no?

     So today, Iíll be interpreting the lyrics to Night Rangerís ďSister Christian.Ē

     Enjoy!

 

(Lyrics in bold, pithy comments in Öregular, I guess.  Whatís the word for ďnot bold?Ē)

Sister Christian
Oh, the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one to say
Okay

Hmmm.  Okay.  He has a sister named Christian.  Either that, or the songís about a nun, named Christian.  Thatís not the weird part.  If you look at the rest of the lyric, it would seem that this sibling/servant of God is the only girl not to refuse his advances.  In either case, thatís not good.


Where you going
What you looking for
You know those boys
Don't want to play no more
With you
It's true

 

Iím guessing that said sibling/nun has been outed as a Grade A cocktease, and the local boys, the ones who arenít related to her at least, are tired of their Christian-induced blue-balls.  (I went to Catholic school; believe me when I say that Christian-induced blue-balls are the suck.)


(Chorus)
You're motoring
What's your price for flight
In finding Mister Right
You'll be all right tonight

Okay.  Iíve read this several times, and have heard it on the radio may more, and I still donít know what the hell it means.  The words are all English, but have absolutely no meaning in that order.  If it was a current song, Iíd just say that Iím tragically unhip and too old to get it.  But I grew up when this song was out (tragically unhip then too, but thatís irrelevant right now), and I can tell you itís nonsense.

Babe, you know
You're growing up so fast
Mommy's worrying
That you won't last to say
Let's play

See above.


Sister Christian
There's so much in life
Don't you give it up
Before your time is due
It's true

Okay.  So now he seems to be talking her out of having sex with him.  Which certainly does clear up any questions as to why sheís the only one to say okay.  Is this reverse psychology?  Cause Iíve tried that before, dude.  And giving a girl too many chances to say no, leads to her saying no.  As does sobriety.  And turning the light on.  And vomiting on her.  Or her mother.

Motoring
What's your price for flight
You've got him in your sights
And driving through the night
Motoring
What's your price for flight
In finding Mister Right
You'll be all right tonight

Riiiiiight.

Sister Christian
Oh, the time has come
And you know
That you're the only one to say
Okay

You canít go back dude.  Youíve given her the out, and she took it.  Because youíre a knob.  And apparently her brother/parishioner.  But mostly because youíre a knob.


But you're motoring
Yeah, motoring

Iím going to declare that ďmotoringĒ is now an official euphemism for female masturbation.  Like ďstirring the soup,Ē or ďdouble-clicking the mouse,Ē or ďstorming the castle.Ē  So that means, that his sister/nun refused his advances, then masturbated in front of him.  And that almost makes the song tolerable.  Almost.     


Dear Grumpy,

 

Hi.

NewsNet


 

Dear NewsNet.,

Bite me.

Hope that helps,

Grumpy


©  2007 GrumpyLlama.com

All Rights Reserved.