Archive - November 2008


Blogginí The Poll


(Hee-hee.  Blogginí the poll.) 

7:02 am   Sounds jump from the baby monitor.  Teagan is up.  Dammit, doesnít she know that I have to preserve my energy so I can pretend this election means something?!


8:05 am   Have to take the kids to school in 20 minutes then off to the polls (hee-hee).  One last thing though, where the hell do I vote?


8:15 am   Okay, got it.


9:12      Back in the car after getting the kids to school.  Wondering why they donít play more Queen on the radio.


9:25      Pull into the parking lot at my polling place (sounds like code for strip club, doesnít it?).  There sure are a lot of cars here.  Were people right to early vote?


9:27      Nope.


9:28      Had to wait in line behind one whole person at the registration table, which seems to run on the honor system.  Would not have had to wait at all if my name hadnít fallen in the A-D range.  Oh well.  Spend the next minute laughing at the people who waited two hours last week to early vote.  Suckers.  Donít they know you should never underestimate the apathy of the American voting public?


9:29      All of the voting cubicles are taken.  Helpful polling-place-lady-person tells me I can just use a table, if I want.


9:29      Okay, Iíll do that.  Thanks.


9:30      Other people have elected to wait for the voting cubicles to clear up so they have some privacy.  I personally do not care.  This isnít Zimbabwe, where if someone doesnít like who you voted for, your loved ones will find your bullet-riddled body in a roadside ditch.  This is America.  If people donít like who you voted for, at worst theyíll verbally attack you with false logic, poorly formed opinions, and an incredibly tentative grasp of the facts.  I think I can handle that.


9:31       I write-in Ron Paul for president.  I determined weeks ago that I should vote for the person I feel is best qualified for the job.  It doesnít matter to me if heís actually on the ballot.  It felt better than my usual policy of voting against someone.


9:32      I go through and randomly select a few other people to vote for comfortable in the knowledge that it doesnít really matter which self-serving moron I vote for, because they wonít accomplish anything anyway.


9:33      Auditor?  What the hell is an auditor?


9:34      Superintendent of Public Instruction.  Wish I knew who the incumbent was so I could vote against them.  Donít know much about this one other than that our schools suck. 


9:35      Register of Deeds.  2 questions.  Why is this an elected position?  And, why is there only one person running?  A quick scan of the ballot reveals that there are 11 other ďracesĒ where there is only one person on the ballot.  Why are we wasting energy here?  If no one else is running, the person on the ballot has already won.  I mean, canít we safely assume, that even if all else fails, that person is going to vote for themselves?  Christ almighty.


9:36      Soil and Water Conservation District Supervisor.  Okay, back to the whole why is this an elected position thing.  And on the off-chance this is actually an important position, shouldnít this be one of those jobs that are based on, oh I donít know, knowledge and qualifications.  I vote for Fred Burt.  Because he has the funniest name of the four.


9:37      I start to feed my ballot into the giant grey box.  I make a joke to the voter helper lady about how itís probably just a big paper shredder.  She laughs, displaying a sense of humor not commonly found in low-level civic types.


9:38       I press my ďI VOTED!Ē sticker into place and leave.


9:39       Wonder where to get a "Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Ron Paul" bumper sticker.


Man, isnít democracy fun?





ARIES (March 21 - April 19):

     It's not a tumor.

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20):

     Sorry, I got nothing.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 21):

     No, it won't make you go blind, but for God's sake use some lubrication.

CANCER (June 22- July 22):

     You will be tea-bagged this month.

LEO (July 23 - August 22):

     A lot of people don't care for you.

VIRGO (August 23 - September 22):

     A bird will crap on your car.

LIBRA (September 23 - October 22):

     A drunk will crap on your car.

SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21):

     You might want to find out what arsenic tastes like.

SAGITTARIUS ( November 22- December 21):

     Those aren't pillows.

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19):

     Either shave, or buy that special shampoo with the tiny comb.

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18):

     Don't have sex with any unshaven Capricorns.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20):

     You will wish that you had Jessie's girl.

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