Archive - May 2007



     Ahh, spring.  The Earthís glorious return to abundance when we are all witness to the arrival of colorful blooms, birds chirping, the mesmerizing dance of lightening bugs in the backyard, and, if youíre lucky, short-shorts on 19-year-olds.  It also marks the winding down of the school year - hallways filled with giddy, or at least, slightly less petulant teenagers.

     It brings with it a daunting, sometimes terrifying task.  Writing something in all those damn yearbooks.  Some belong to close friends, in which youíll write full-page missives about that night at Biancaís grandparentís house, or the trip to the lake where you finally got to third base.  All the life-changing events of your high school career.  You know, crap you wonít remember at all in fifteen years when you stumble across your yearbook while unpacking all your boxes after your spouse got a new job and made you move to Omaha.  (ďOmaha?  I donít even know where the fuck that is!  Youíll be making how much?!  Can we have a pool?Ē)

     Other yearbooks will belong to people youíre not even sure you know, and half of those youíll pretty certain you donít like.  Except that Beth girl who liked to flash her boobs after her fourth wine cooler.  Good old Beth.  Youíll waste precious minutes of your life on these, writing out the same half-assed messages, and then looking at what other people wrote so you make sure you put down the right name. 

     In order to help you, Iíve created some templates for your use.  Simply choose one or two, and have rubber stamps created from them, then just stamp, fill in the blanks, circle the correct options, and you're done.  Here are some samples.


The Standard:

Hey man/girl!!  It was so much fun having you in __________ class this year.  You are so funny/cool/smart.  Can you believe that Mr./Mrs. ___________ actually came to class _________?  That was awesome!!  Have a great summer!!



YO!  Whatís up?  Killer mother fuckiní year!!  I canít believe _________ shot __________.  And whatís up with you mackiní on _____________?  That bitch/mo-fo is crazy!! 


Snotty White Kid:

Say, __________.  Quite the year, this was, no?  Sorry your parents gave you a ________ to drive.  That sucks.  Did you see where ________ís father gave him/her an Acura?  An Acura!!  That is so neuveau riche!!  Oh, and remember when the cafeteria lady forgot to chill the foie gras!  She deserved to get fired, didnít she?  See you at the Club!  Ciao!!



Greetings and salutations to ___________ ___________ High Schoolís best Dungeon Master ever!!  Iíll see you next year in AP Calculus, where you can rest assured Iíll be finding the derivative of your ass as the limit approaches infinity!  ROFLMAO!!!!  Good luck at robotics/computer/space/fat camp!  Live long and prosper!!


Female Nerd:

Hi, __________!  Boy was this a super year!  That had to have been the best production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat/High School Musical/Oklahoma! this school has ever scene (get it? scene?)!!  LOL!  Donít forget about the (insert name of current "nerdy girl turns out to be really pretty and gets the guy of her dreams" movie here)  viewing party at my house in July!  My Momís making virgin daiquiris/apple-tinis/margaritas!!  Donít forget to IM me, my new screen name is __________.  (Remember him(sigh)?)  Exit, stage left!!


     I think that covers most of the bases, but feel free to run with it and make it your own.


     (What does it say about me that the best ones were the nerd ones?  Dear God, I was dork.)

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