Hilarious.
         Sad.
         Delicious when served over angel hair pasta with a delicate butter sauce.
         A timeless classic.

2. Purple is:

The new red.
The new black.
The new plaid.
Ticklish, like Tom Selleck's mustache.

3. Your father tells you to turn down the music.  Your response is:

"OK."
Your not my real Dad!"
"Go fuck yourself, Bill!"
Bitter silence.

4. High school dances are:

Awesome!
Tolerable, if you're stoned to the bejeezus.
Horrible, not matter how stoned you are.
20 years later, and still a great place to grab teenaged boobs.

5. Who is your favorite Golden Girl?

Bea Arthur
Estelle Getty
Rue McClanahan
Betty White

6. When your dear friends from high school think of you, they feel:

A heartfelt longing.
A mild indifference.
A tearful remorse.
A burning sensation.

7. Power ballads:

Saved metal by bringing it to the masses and making it more appealing to girls.
Fucking suck.

8. Worst sandwich:

Grilled cheese.
Ham on Rye.
Rueben.
Me and 2 fat dudes.

9. How many times a week do you touch your own nipples?

0-4.
5-9.
10-14.
14+.

10. If you could have one superpower, it would be the ability to:

Fly.
Become invisible.
See though walls.
Understand rap lyrics.

           

Your score is

 

SCORE:	Prostitute
10-15	"Oh, Sherri!"  You know what?  I know it's not a Journey song.  I know it's a Steve Perry solo work.  But is anyone still pretending there's a difference?  You're just pissed because you're it.
16-21	"Don't Stop Believing"  Admit, man.  This song got you through some real bad times in high school.  Well, this song and getting hand jobs from freshmen girls behind the cafeteria.  Man, were they ever gullible.
22-27	"Faithfully"  Shut up, crybaby.  We can all see you cowered down in the back of the bus crying because Melanie had a threesome with a couple of guys from the debate team.  The debate team?  Are you kidding me?  You should be crying.  Wussy.
28+	"Anyway You Want It"  No, that's not what the song means, douchebag.  Besides, everybody knows that despite your big talk and bravado, your were a sophomore in college before you ever saw a real girl naked.  And then you were so nervous, you blew your load before you could even get your pants off.  Real cool, big man.

 

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