Archive - February 2007


You Ainít Got To Lie, Craig(slist)

 

    You like that?  What I did there?  Combining an internet phenomenon and an Ice Cube extravaganza like that?  Thatís called talent my friend.  Talent.

    Anyway, this isnít about Ice Cube (perhaps later, my pet).  Itís about Craigslist.  Whatís that?  You donít know about Craigslist.  Oh, itís swell.  Itís kinda like eBay, but with a least two major differences.

    First, itís local.  Whatís that mean for you and me?  It means, if you find that original Han Solo action figure youíve been looking for, you donít have to pay some 40-year-old Midwestern basement-dweller $12 for shipping and handling.  You just drive over and pick it up.  Around back.  Knock twice.  But make sure Momís LeSabre isnít in the carport.

    Second, itís got more porn.  Hence making it light years ahead of eBay.  Because porn make everything better.  Itís true.

     Craigslist porn comes in the form of personal ads.  Personal ads that have made me glad Iím married.  Because I, literally, donít have what it takes to be single in a Craigslist world.  Apparently, in that world, every man is swinging eight to ten beneath his six pack abs.  Now, Iím not man enough (get it?) to admit what Iím sporting, but I can assure it looks even less impressive in the shadow of my twelve pack abs.

     The best Craigslist porn is found in the ďCasual EncountersĒ section, where people are looking for, well, casual encounters.  Not surprisingly, 98% of these ads are placed by men.  The best by far that Iíve seen was from a gentleman looking for a lady.  In his attempt to woo, he confesses his love for long, slow blow jobs. 

     I know, I know.  And while I havenít been able to find out for sure, I think I can safely say heís already been snatched up, ladies.  Sorry.  Men like that are a rare find.

     Iíve seen several from women purporting to want men to carry on a ďrape sceneĒ with them.  And one from a man who wanted another man to sneak in on him and his blind-folded wife having sex, and join in.  Without her knowledge. 

    Yeah.  I donít see what could possibly go wrong there.  I mean, thereís no way that could backfire on you.

    I suppose itíll all continue until the twentieth or so ďCraigslistĒ victim is found, naked Iím sure, violated most likely, in an alley, or dumpster, or under a porch, or in a gulley partially eaten and covered in local flora.

    So thanks, but no thanks, Craigslist.  I like my porn with slightly less imminent danger.  And fewer dude-only shots. 

*******

    On a side-note, a recent Playboy playmate is sporting a tattoo in her pictorial.  Not exactly news, I know, but the tattoo, placed a scant 3 inches above her clitoris, saysÖ

     ďRespect.Ē

    The only thing that I could think of when I saw that was Inigo Montoyaís classic line from ďThe Princess Bride.Ē 

    ďYou keep using that word?  I do not think it means what you think it means.Ē


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