You Ain’t Got To Lie, Craig(slist)

    You like that?  What I did there?  Combining an internet phenomenon and an Ice Cube extravaganza like that?  That’s called talent my friend.  Talent.

    Anyway, this isn’t about Ice Cube (perhaps later, my pet).  It’s about Craigslist.  What’s that?  You don’t know about Craigslist.  Oh, it’s swell.  It’s kinda like eBay, but with a least two major differences.

    First, it’s local.  What’s that mean for you and me?  It means, if you find that original Han Solo action figure you’ve been looking for, you don’t have to pay some 40-year-old Midwestern basement-dweller $12 for shipping and handling.  You just drive over and pick it up.  Around back.  Knock twice.  But make sure Mom’s LeSabre isn’t in the carport.

    Second, it’s got more porn.  Hence making it light years ahead of eBay.  Because porn make everything better.  It’s true.

     Craigslist porn comes in the form of personal ads.  Personal ads that have made me glad I’m married.  Because I, literally, don’t have what it takes to be single in a Craigslist world.  Apparently, in that world, every man is swinging eight to ten beneath his six pack abs.  Now, I’m not man enough (get it?) to admit what I’m sporting, but I can assure it looks even less impressive in the shadow of my twelve pack abs.

     The best Craigslist porn is found in the “Casual Encounters” section, where people are looking for, well, casual encounters.  Not surprisingly, 98% of these ads are placed by men.  The best by far that I’ve seen was from a gentleman looking for a lady.  In his attempt to woo, he confesses his love for long, slow blow jobs. 

     I know, I know.  And while I haven’t been able to find out for sure, I think I can safely say he’s already been snatched up, ladies.  Sorry.  Men like that are a rare find.

     I’ve seen several from women purporting to want men to carry on a “rape scene” with them.  And one from a man who wanted another man to sneak in on him and his blind-folded wife having sex, and join in.  Without her knowledge. 

    Yeah.  I don’t see what could possibly go wrong there.  I mean, there’s no way that could backfire on you.

    I suppose it’ll all continue until the twentieth or so “Craigslist” victim is found, naked I’m sure, violated most likely, in an alley, or dumpster, or under a porch, or in a gulley partially eaten and covered in local flora.

    So thanks, but no thanks, Craigslist.  I like my porn with slightly less imminent danger.  And fewer dude-only shots. 

*******

    On a side-note, a recent Playboy playmate is sporting a tattoo in her pictorial.  Not exactly news, I know, but the tattoo, placed a scant 3 inches above her clitoris, says…

     “Respect.”

    The only thing that I could think of when I saw that was Inigo Montoya’s classic line from “The Princess Bride.” 

    “You keep using that word?  I do not think it means what you think it means.”